Your boss just asked you to sit down and talk. They look serious. Your boss has a file folder and some papers with them, and they have some notes. They are not sharing the notes with you. You make a joke. They do not laugh. Uh oh. Something serious is afoot. Your boss explains that your performance is unacceptable, gives you some tasks to do, gives you a date to finish them by, and says if you don’t successfully bring them what they are looking for, you are finished working there.

Uh oh. What do you do?

It doesn’t matter if you have been told to come in on time and stop being late or if your boss has told you that you are far below quota. “The talk” is intended to convey a simple message:

• There were certain expectations
• You were informed of those expectations
• You have not met those expectations
• You will meet those expectations by the deadline
• You will from then on never disappoint again
• If you disappoint, you are going to be fired

How you respond to this sort of challenge defines you as a professional. The more professional folks will see this as an opportunity to prove themselves and and learn while checking the parachute to make sure it is safe to jump out of the plane. The less professional people will begin a panicky, defensive attempt to kick up a smoke screen and confuse management or sell them on the idea of abandoning any attempt to measure work and demand results.

Sometimes those really professional people are fired because they have been targeted due to politics. No matter what they do, they are toast. Professionals know that, but they don’t assume that’s what will happen, and they try to do a good job on the way down and try to turn their situations around while preparing for the worst. Sometimes they are fired, and sometimes management sees them pick up the glove and accept the challenge, meet it, and changes their minds.

The less professional people are fired. They are fired sometimes for their failure to meet the deadlines, but more often than not, they are fired because of the unprofessional way that they receive the assessment and threat of job loss. They are fired because before they even try to deliver what is required, they tick off their boss by trying to fight to defend themselves and deny that management’s assessment is correct.

The Wrong Way to Respond

If we assume that an effective response to a warning is one that prolongs your employment, we can extrapolate behaviors which are ineffective as a response to a warning.

Defensive Excuses. Management does not want to hear about all of the reasons why you did what you did. They don’t care. They want to hear what you are going to do now, and when you are going to do it by. They want a plan for improvement, change, and task completion. When you sit in a chair in your boss’s office ranting, “But I didn’t have time! I was too busy! My dog ate my homework!”, you are making things worse. I will write this repeatedly: Most people who end up fired after a warning are fired because they anger management with their response, not because they fail to meet a challenge.

Skip Level Complaining. Going to your boss’s boss and complaining that your boss is being mean to you is ineffective. The person two levels up or higher from you is most likely to respond by not answering you. Instead, they will ask your boss to shut you up and get you off of their desk. “Are you handling this? Get rid of this guy.” is the most likely thing you will hear. Most managers are highly offended by skip level complaining to the next level up. They view it as an attempt to redirect attention from yourself to them. They will view it as an attack. Once you skip over your boss to their boss, expect an even harsher conversation to follow.

You are not entitled to make a skip level complaint to the person upstairs unless you are truly being abused or are in trouble. If there is yelling, cursing, hitting, inappropriate touching, racial or sexual remarks, or name-calling, then you can complain a level up.

Just about anything else will be interpreted as evidence that you are trying to weasel out of your situation, and you will be fired for the way you responded to the warning.

Attempting Escape. Trying to find another person in the company to work for is not going to work, either. Most companies require that you complete a tour of duty with your current manager before you move on to your next assignment. If you have been on the job less than a year, you probably can’t leave, and if you tried, everyone would question why. If you ever have anything negative to say about your current boss to someone you are interviewing with, you will not get a job. They will assume you will do the same to them.

Also, remember that there are no secrets. Your boss will tell their peers and their boss what is happening. It will likely be communicated up the ladder to the next level as well just in case of a lawsuit or HR action being initiated. Documents will be reviewed, the strategy will be determined collectively, and your boss will serve as the face man for a group of people who are circling the wagons around each other to ensure that their position with you is strong and unassailable.

When you go to one of these other bosses asking if you can move teams, or if you go to the skip level boss and ask if you can be moved, the answer is always “No.” They all know what is going on.

Also, remember that most smart managers call your current boss for a reference and permission to steal you away from them. They don’t want to make any more enemies than they already have, so they will make sure they ruffle no feathers by interviewing you. Your current boss will tell them exactly what is going on, and your reputation will never recover. By seeking to move, you actually force your boss to publish your current circumstances even more widely.

Your boss does not want to make this any more public than it already is. They don’t want people knowing you are being warned. What if you pull it together? You might succeed, and then you might prove to become their favorite employee. If they burn your reputation now, they will never be able to promote you later.

Privacy is best for everyone.

Outrage. Protesting that your boss was overly harsh and should not have told you that your employment is in jeopardy will get nowhere fast. A manager who informs their people that they are in jeopardy of being fired and tells them specifically what they need to do to succeed is a good manager, not a bad one. A bad manager says nothing, leaves you in the dark, and then one day, they suddenly fire you without explanation. Complaining that someone got in your face and told you that you are not successful is going to result in you being fired for responding poorly to the warning.

Sulking. Avoiding your boss, going quiet, and stomping around in a depression is also going to get you fired. When you sulk after a scolding, you tell your boss that you are like a little child who tries to manipulate others through displays of emotion. This is usually met by planning your exit and you being fired. When managers see people sulking, they think, “OK. Enough of this. He isn’t even trying. He’s just bringing everyone on the team down.

Water Cooler Complaining. Telling all of your coworkers that your boss is a vicious monster and is unfairly attacking you is probably the fastest way to get fired. Just as your boss has an obligation to keep the situation relatively private, you have an even higher obligation to ensure that the team around you is not demoralized. As soon as you tell a coworker what is going on and swear them to secrecy, they will tell ten people. They always do. We are human beings. We don’t keep secrets. We never have. There are no secrets. That person will tell someone loyal to your boss, and they will gleefully send the boss a private note quoting your complaints. Those will go in your file right next to everything else, and you will be handed a parachute and pushed out of the plane.

These are all ineffective ways to respond: Making excuses, getting outraged, trying to escape, sulking, skip level complaining, and complaining to peers by the water cooler. These behaviors tell management that you have emotional problems, are immature, and cannot be trusted to perform under stress. These are behaviors that they do not want to see. When you do these things, you ensure that you will be fired.

There is an effective way to respond to a warning. I will publish that in the next article.